Guy Ritchie to direct new Sherlock Holmes film

Posted at Jun 13, 2008 12:52 am

I am only commenting on this now because it’s one in the morning, I drank caffeine with dinner and now can’t sleep, and have nothing else to do. I read this tidbit of Hollywood news on LJ and thought… “Wait… Maddona’s husband? He directs movies?”  Then did a bit of research and found out that the answer was “Yes. Badly.” Stuff like “Lock, Stock and Barrel.”
Apparently they are re-remaking Holmes as a sort of British version of Iron-Man.
Hollywood Reporter’s words were “less stuffy and more adventuresome” and “emphasizing his skills as a boxer and swordsman.”
Ugh. I saw that movie already. It featured Sherlock swordfighting with Moriarty in the middle of London, getting completely wasted and picking up two women for er… purposes not related to crime fighting. (Unless he was personally investigating London’s growing prostitution market.)  Oh, and Watson is a Cockney mortician.
So I’ve been surfing movie sites and reading random agonized predictions from concerned mystery fans. (Seriously, I have nothing else to do.) 
So let me re-imagine this movie in my own head and cast it as I would like it, using actors who have never played these roles but who I believe would be interesting. 
Sherlock Holmes- Adrien Brody
Watson- Paul Giammatti
Mrs. Hudson- Helen Mirren
Queen Victoria (why not?) – Judi Dench
Mycroft- If Ben Kingsley could gain two hundred pounds he would be perfect. Maybe just his head on top of someone else’s body
Irene Adler- (I REALLY hope she is not in this. I’m sick of Miss Adler, really, but I’m sure they won’t be able to resist)- Catherine Zeta- Jones.
Wiggins- Haley Joel Osment.  Or Freddy Highmore.
Moriarty- John Malkovich.
And M. Night Shyamalan should direct because he is made of awesome. 
Phillip Glass will compose the music score.
Ok.
No more caffeine for me

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