Not worth Going the Distance

Posted at Dec 7, 2010 1:55 am

Earlier this week I went to see Disney’s "Tangled" at the theater. I could review it, but honestly, there is nothing to say but "It’s fantastic! Go see it, even if you don’t have kids." It was that funny. 

So instead I’ll review the film "Going the Distance," starring Justin Long and Drew Barrymore.  I’ve given some thought about how to best summarize this two-hour romantic no-comedy and I believe a mock conversation between Drew Barrymore and an agent would work best here.

This is how I imagine the interview went:
(****Warning***This next bit has a PG-13 rating****)

Agent: So, Drew, I’ve got a new movie pitch for you. And when I say new, I mean exactly the same movie as all the others you’ve been in.

Drew: Romantic comedy?

Agent: Yup. You play a ditzy, girl-next-door type.

Drew: Awesome. That’s my role.

Agent: But there’s a twist, Drew.

Drew: Ooohhh, do I get to show believable emotion in this one?

Agent: Umm, no. But it’s R-rated! So—

Drew: I get to say "F**k?"

Agent: Yes! Like, a lot. We’re going for record swearing in this genre. The writers want you to ad-lib the word "f**k" into every one of your lines. 

Drew: Done! But — tell me about the plot. Why is it romantic?

Agent:  Oh, it’s not.  But it’s R-rated so—-

Drew: Sex scene!

Agent: As many as you like.  We want the audience to cringe.  We’re trying to work in a scene on a relative’s dining room table.  With a couple of miserable innocent bystanders.  And way more nudity than you’d expect.

Drew: I don’t get it.

Agent: Well, the writers couldn’t think of any funny lines or scenarios so they decided that several shots of Justin Long’s butt should do the trick.

Drew: Oh, yeah, his butt is pretty funny.

Agent: So are you in?

Drew: F**k it, what else am I doing?

I want to be a movie agent.  In my head it seems like a fun job. And I dance like that Les Grossman character in Tropic Thunder. (Now THAT movie was funny.)

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