The Tooth Fairy’s Response

Posted at Sep 9, 2009 2:33 pm

Apparently she is a bit verbose.

Dear Talia,

 

I am so happy you live in Modiin now! My husband and I just came on fairy Aliyah on the Fairy B’ Faya flight last week. We came on the wings of an eagle. You humans have to use large metal machines, you poor things, but I suppose you can’t fit all your bags onto a bird. Why do people have so many things, anyway? I just brought my tooth collection. 

I received your letter and passed it on to the main Tooth Fairy branch in Jerusalem.  Such an important request takes all of our best minds and wings. Normally we send Frank, my husband, to collect the tooth and leave the present. You may remember he is the one who took care of your sisters’ teeth in Atlanta. Don’t remember? He has tummy problems and occasionally leaves a funny smell.  Yeah, the baked broccoli aroma was not from your father. At least, not that time. Frank is also not beautiful like you’d expect a fairy to be. He has hairy shoulders, actually. And hairy ears. And his left wing has a hole in it because he chews on it when he sleeps. But I love him because he makes me laugh. He can burp the entire alphabet. And the fairy alphabet has 300 letters in it! Can you do that? No? I didn’t think so.  

He is also the strongest fairy in our group so he takes care of all the children who want presents instead of money.  I like to watch him when he lifts things.

But here’s the problem. He has gotten a bit fat over the last week. It’s just that the food in Israel is so good and he can’t stop himself. Yesterday he ate an entire schwarma. A human size schwarma. It was a little disgusting.

So he couldn’t fit down the drain to get the tooth. He got stuck. Then he made a noise like this: “Mooooahhhhh. Mooooahhhhh.”   The funny thing was that in the end, his tummy troubles saved him. The bubbles inside of him got bigger and bigger until Poooooooooshhhhhh! He shot himself right out of there. Please don’t tell him I told you this. I made him go on a diet and so he is very cranky now.  But his belly was getting so heavy that he was flying horizontally. It was weird.

Anyway  then I had to go down the drain to get the tooth. And I finally found it. It was a little slimy but when we got it cleaned off, it was our most precious tooth! It is worth more than all the other teeth that we have collected! We’re rich now! Rich!

I am going to buy a trampoline. It feels like you’re flying when you are on one of those things!

So, my wonderful Talia, have a Shana Tova, and thank you again for making me rich.

Love,

Devorah, the Modiin Tooth Fairy

(Licensed tooth specialist. Part-time beautician, specializing in wing-tips and highlights)

P.S. I hear you plan to decorate your room with pictures of fairies. Let me present you with your first gift, direct from Fairies Tchachkes, Inc.   

Perhaps, if you are very good, there will be even more shiny, fairy things in your future. Don’t worry. They won’t be pictures of Frank. He is not photogenic.     

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